So Many Questions

There is too much in this world. I have a hard time accepting that, sometimes.

For a while (but more so lately), I've felt like the time I have on this planet is much too short. I'm starting to understand the sheer amount there is to learn about. When I was younger, this didn't worry me as much. I thought that I just had to find the thing that mattered the most and devote my life to that. Now everything is completely muddled.

I think this is why I was so attracted to religion when I was a teenager, despite being an atheist my whole life. The existence of supernatural beings, or a religious explanation for the world, would make things so easy. It would make things much more black and white, and even the presence of the simplest god or theological structure would make my goals simpler. The idea of a surpreme goal or perfect good would mean that there was something worth striving towards, or an evil to identify and fight.

I feel like deep down, there is a sleeping zealot inside of me. He feels very strongly about morals and ethics, but I cannot wake him until I am absolutely sure I have found a worthy cause. I've been blessed by my parents with a strong sense of empathy and consideration, and I feel like I can get along with almost anyone in the long run. Every time I want to turn my ire and anger on some individual or group, I find reasons not to. Things are always too subjective to take serious action.

My pursuits have lead me to a quote by , which has come to mean a lot to me:

"To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete."

The idea being that knowledge, perspective, and wisdom lead you from blaming into understanding. We no longer curse the gods for bad weather, because we understand it. Likewise, any time someone goes to blame others, or beat the metaphorical drum about some cause, it could likely be traced back to a lack of understanding. I think this might imply there are still a lot of things in our world that no one understands, especially where human civilization is concerned. Or, at the very least, a number of people might have the pieces, but no one has put them together.

But this, as an idea, scares me. If the path to finding a cause worthy of fighting for is attaining ultimate knowledge, there might not be an end in sight. Or at least not one I can reach in my lifetime.

Where are we going, where have we been?

Have you ever stopped to consider why democracy wasn't the prevailing form of human political organization in the last few thousand years?

This is the most concise way I can sum up or bring to mind a lot of the thoughts and questions I've had about the changing role of government in the last year or so. I've met a lot of people who have very "outlying" opinions on government and the state, and as I've learned more about their positions, I find it extremely hard to describe said opinions to the average person without sounding like some kind of extremist. "What? You think taxes are a form of aggression? What are you, some kind of anarchist?"

Well, yeah, maybe. I'll stick with the flexible and safe term "Libertarian", for now.

But why is that such a red flag for most people? I think a lot of it has to do with exposure. For whatever reason, we as a society (or maybe all societies) tend to act as a resonating chamber for whatever political structure they currently have, or grew up with. The biggest revolutions or political shifts are rarely peaceful or caused by friendly debate.

So the best way I can see to lead someone into this way of thinking, this train of thought that I've been following in my mind for a while now, is to simply ask, "Why didn't we have democracy sooner?" Democracy is a very simple concept. Primitive civilizations certainly had no problem understanding it, but they didn't seem very eager to use it. I want to read, understand, and maybe write a whole book on this question. I've never seen anyone give a coherent explanation about it, or 

The point is that it's silly and a little egotistical to think that we've arrived at our destination, if a destination even exists. "That's it folks, we figured it out! You can stop questioning, or trying new things, and just have faith in the way we're doing things now."

Where are we?

I'm not entirely sure where to start.

My name is Robert Kilian King. I am 20 years old and I want to change the world. A lot.

I've just graduated from University with a BA in General Studies, after 6 years of taking classes off and on. People keep asking me what I'm going to do, or what job I want to get. There have been a lot of answers to these questions floating around my head over the past couple years, and despite my best efforts, I can't seem to pick just one. I've always had an affinity for computers and video games, but that washed out in my first year of university. Besides, things have changed since then. I have other obligations.

One of the things 6 years of college and university has taught me is the value of personal resolve. When I was 14 and started going to community college, people kept asking me,

"What are you, some kind of genius?"

To this day, I don't have an answer for that, but I know that it's not important. All the genius in the world won't buy you a passing grade for a math class. Not if you don't have the force of will to pay attention and act responsibly. I could list a lot of excuses why I might be so bad at taking classes, but I know the real reason. I need more focus.

Because I have huge, lofty goals for the future, I know that I need to take things in steps. So, naturally, the next step is to fix my problem. Talking with counselors hasn't really helped, and I certainly don't need medication, so I'm joining the military.

Authors Note: I just found this from four years ago (I'm 24 now), unposted but oddly complete. It was fun to read it and think back.