So Many Questions

There is too much in this world. I have a hard time accepting that, sometimes.

For a while (but more so lately), I've felt like the time I have on this planet is much too short. I'm starting to understand the sheer amount there is to learn about. When I was younger, this didn't worry me as much. I thought that I just had to find the thing that mattered the most and devote my life to that. Now everything is completely muddled.

I think this is why I was so attracted to religion when I was a teenager, despite being an atheist my whole life. The existence of supernatural beings, or a religious explanation for the world, would make things so easy. It would make things much more black and white, and even the presence of the simplest god or theological structure would make my goals simpler. The idea of a surpreme goal or perfect good would mean that there was something worth striving towards, or an evil to identify and fight.

I feel like deep down, there is a sleeping zealot inside of me. He feels very strongly about morals and ethics, but I cannot wake him until I am absolutely sure I have found a worthy cause. I've been blessed by my parents with a strong sense of empathy and consideration, and I feel like I can get along with almost anyone in the long run. Every time I want to turn my ire and anger on some individual or group, I find reasons not to. Things are always too subjective to take serious action.

My pursuits have lead me to a quote by , which has come to mean a lot to me:

"To accuse others for one's own misfortunes is a sign of want of education. To accuse oneself shows that one's education has begun. To accuse neither oneself nor others shows that one's education is complete."

The idea being that knowledge, perspective, and wisdom lead you from blaming into understanding. We no longer curse the gods for bad weather, because we understand it. Likewise, any time someone goes to blame others, or beat the metaphorical drum about some cause, it could likely be traced back to a lack of understanding. I think this might imply there are still a lot of things in our world that no one understands, especially where human civilization is concerned. Or, at the very least, a number of people might have the pieces, but no one has put them together.

But this, as an idea, scares me. If the path to finding a cause worthy of fighting for is attaining ultimate knowledge, there might not be an end in sight. Or at least not one I can reach in my lifetime.